Those Friday Night Lights

   Well it's that time again. Stress is rising. Emotions are heightened. Tumbling is at it's peak. Maybe you've already gone to the parent meeting and are sizing up your competition. Hearts will be broken and dreams will be realized. It's time for tryouts!
   Sydni had the HONOR of cheering for BH Eagles for 5 straight years. I can remember vividly the first thru the fifth time she made it. The first time was just pure uninhibited glee as an almost seventh grader, jumping and screaming and hugging, in true Sydni fashion. I think we were both shocked! It was a great way to top off our amazing 1st year at BH. She had made so many friends, loved her new school, and then this! I remember saying to one of the moms that I just needed to keep her humble. I didn't want her to get too caught up in the sudden "celebrity" of it all. She continued to make it each year. Sydni had that "it" thing! She was magnetic on the field, contagious with her smile and spirit...and she was loud! Lol.
She was a great cheerleader!
   Sophomore year was a blow to the ego I think, at first. She made JV for a second year, while her cheer mates moved on to Varsity. She wanted to quit in the beginning, but thru our talks with her and some soul searching, she remained on the squad, and what a blessing it was! She loved Coach Hahn and was graciously offered a co-captain position which she shined as. It was a great year.
   Junior year was her reward, as I like to think of it, for sticking it out, not allowing herself to quit, and facing some challenges in her life. She finally made Varsity, and it lived up to the expectations! She. Loved. It. I think the squad that year would probably agree that they grew into a very close family...the PIC crew ;)
   Senior year cheer was not to be. She had mastered her back tuck in tumble class, but was unable to land it cleanly at tryouts. They gave her a do-over, but only wanted a single flip flop from her. She thought she did well thru the rest of the process, but it wasn't meant to be for her. She was devastated. I was shocked, if I'm honest. I had prepared her every year for the possibility of not making it, but I don't know that you can prepare yourself fully for something that you have accomplished 5 times, only to fall short the last time. I cried with her, was sad with her, heck, I had been a cheer mom for 5 years, and I liked it! But at some point I had to tell her that she was gonna make it without cheer. She wasn't JUST a cheerleader! She was SO MUCH MORE! I know it was hard for her, so hard. She is the one who had to face her peers and hear the whispers and feel the awkward stares. I know she was really concerned about pep rallies and going to games. I know it is HARD to not make it! I tried to tell her that she was not the only one that this had happened to. There were always girls who we just knew would make it, that didn't. It was a part of the reality of cheerleading.  
   Tryouts are subjective. They don't see your qualities day in and day out. It's just an opinion based on a moment in time. I ask that each one of you go out there, do the best you can and give it everything you have. Take pride in your effort and be gracious, no matter the outcome. Do not let whether you make it or not define who you are! If it's not your time, it WILL be okay! I PROMISE! This won't matter in five years, or even one year from now. Be sad for awhile, then dust yourself off and get back up. This isn't the end of your beautiful, crazy life story! Start preparing for the next tryout or find another interest. Have a "plan B," just don't lose hope. 
   If you are fortunate enough to make it, be it middle school or high school, don't let it go to your head. Stay grounded and true to yourself. Being a cheerleader comes with perks, but it also comes with responsibility. Young girls look up to you, want to emulate you, and dream of one day being what you are. Your community depends on your character and moral judgment, to be a role model for other students. I did my best to hold Sydni to these standards. It IS a responsibility, not just a free pass to try to catch the eye of the football star. Take it seriously, and with a sense of duty. Take pride in what you have achieved, and make it count for something. If you make it, be humble, reach out to those who didn't. Don't stare. Don't shun. Don't whisper. Their confidence may have taken a good hit. Speak to them. Text them. Include them. Smile at them. Even if its awkward! Show character. It matters!! Use twitter and FB wisely, especially at first. Text your friends the good news maybe instead of putting it on social network. I know you are excited!!! I know you are proud of yourself! And you should be!!!! Just use discretion.
   Parents. Try not to stress too much :) God already knows the outcome, and your precious girls don't need the added pressure. (only speaking from experience!) Just be supportive when possible and try to critique only if asked. Make sure they know YOU will be proud of them no matter the results. They need to know you won't be disappointed in them if they "let you down" and don't make it. Be at home if possible when results are posted. We were at dinner, and it's not where we needed to be. Go out to celebrate after! If your daughter wants to run thru cheer, chant, etc with a friend, maybe make sure that they are either really good friends or of like ability. If the person next to you is blowing you away with jumps, hand motions, whatever, it can take a toll on your confidence. I don't recommend flowers, just because that seems like something you would only enjoy if you make it, maybe instead, something with a bigger meaning or something that represents your love and pride in them. I wish each and every one of you the best! 
   Even though we weren't involved in any school activities this year, I know that Sydni was remembered in ALL SORTS of ways. I am forever grateful and...yes, honored. Sydni LOVED being a cheerleader, not just for the notoriety, but because she TRULY loved doing it! I think that's why she made it every year, and I think that's what makes a cheerleader a GREAT cheerleader <3
   In closing, I leave you with something very personal to me...a note I wrote to Sydni before her tryouts, dated March 11, 2011. It is not doctored in any way. It came straight from my "notes" on my phone, and from my heart. I now write this note for each one of you...

"Oh Sydni Drew...
Where do I begin! So much seems changed this year between you and I...but some things WON'T change! Like the love and faith I have in you and your abilities! You always rise to the occasion and show what you are truly made of! BELIEVE in yourself and aim for the GOLD...and if it's not what is achieved, then take pride in the COMPLETE effort that you gave! For this doesn't make you a failure, but a WINNER for giving your all! Winning is NOT always the end result...but the process of trying your best! it takes SO MUCH more character to try something you're not the "best" at then it does something you haven't had to strive for! THAT gives you PRIDE...not arrogance!
Do your best...be satisfied with your effort...know that you are LOVED beyond words...and let God decide what's right for you!
I am SOOO proud of you Syd and I hope you will be proud of yourself NO MATTER THE OUTCOME! Your success is not measured by a title!!!!!! It is measured by your courage and character. Others may be physically better than you at certain things, but it NEVER means they are a better person than you are! :)
ALL MY LOVE. Today and forever....
Mom
Please be sure and pray before you go out there. I will be praying too!"



Good luck to everyone!  You are ALL rock stars!!!!
...cheerleading is just something you DO, it's NOT who you ARE. ~Daddy Lewis <3

You won't be coming back, will you?

 

   Six months. 183 days. One half of one year. How is it even possible...
   I have been blessed to hear so many stories of how helpful, kind, inclusive Sydni was to people. I have heard amazing stories of encouragement by Sydni, times where she made a difference in more than one person's life to help them through a dark or difficult time. Sydni wasn't necessarily these people's best friends, but was willing to make herself available and approachable in a moment of need in someone's life. I appreciate EVERY ONE of those people who have shared their private struggles with me. Please, if you get nothing else out of the words I write, please don't let this tragedy be you! You leave behind pain and sorrow that can NEVER be fixed or forgotten. You leave behind brokenness, emptiness and confusion. You leave behind a depth of sadness that is truly beyond comprehension.

   I feel closest to you when I am at my saddest SydniDrew. And when I start to move away from that place, I run back to it, just to be near you again. Why Sydni? I can't find you here. Why did you go? Why? I wasn't through being your mom. 

   I want to touch her, to hold her hand in mine again. I want to laugh with her, and hear about her days again. I want to hug her, and talk about all her crushes again. I want to console her and wipe away her tears again. I want to ride around with her, the top down and sing really loud again. I want to tell her how proud I am of her, how talented she is and how very much I love her again. I want to tell her to hold on, to be strong and brave like I know you are again! I want to be mad at her, to tell her to clean her room and not be mean to her brother again. I want to go shopping with her, to blow dry her hair and help her get ready again. I want to snuggle with her, to have her share all her secrets and make promises again. I want her to look at me with those eyes, to tell me she loves me and will never leave me again. I want to to talk about her dreams, what she wants to be someday and how many kids I'm gonna have to babysit again. I want to cherish her, want the best for her and just be her mommy again...
What have I become?

   One of my good friends shared this with me, and it fits PERFECTLY.
"Talk to me as a friend that misses her, don't be gentle, because sorrow sometimes rages. I want her to live on in others, not just with me. I don't want her memory to fade from this world."

Please remember her. Never forget her, this, my forever, my precious love <3